I grew up in a small town just west of Dayton, Ohio. I had friends and my biggest worries were my homework and what mom was fixing for dinner. We would spend the night at each others' houses, goof off, play video games and other nonsense that boys get into. I do miss those times.
Girls? Well yeah but my friends and I were not exactly magazine cover types. We were your run-of-the-mill average looking boys. We had one romeo -- he was braver than the rest. The rest -- including me -- just oohed and ahhhed at the shear audacity. It didn't last long though and he soon joined us in our frivolity. We didn't care in the end. We had each other and that was fine. We had fun and that was enough. We got used to it.
Later, after high school, I went to college. I bunked at the smallest dorm on campus with a couple of boozers. I didn't drink. So, that left me as the odd man out. I spent a lot of my time in the TV room and made friends with the hide-away-from-the-world misfits. Paul and I hung out watching reruns of the Brady Bunch and MASH. People would filter down to play pool, read, or watch a little TV. They'd glance our way and wonder. I could only imagine what they thought. "What a couple of odd ducks." That's probably being kind. We got used to it.
Further, in my sophomore year Paul and I roomed together. Many times we goofed off, watched some TV or generally wasted time. Girls were out of our league still, but we liked talking about them. Wondering. That is until a girl from my high school called me out of the blue to see if I (a sophomore in college) wanted to go on a blind date to their senior prom. I liked her. So, I agreed. After all, what else did I really have to do? I became bored with the straight and narrow life I'd lived. Perhaps I'd gotten too used to it? I went.
Turns out I married that blind date, Patty. Even though I really went to see the girl who called me. Guys are suckers -- especially ugly guys with no prospects. I got used to it.
Patty became my center. We spent a lot of time together and Paul just kind of faded. We were friends still (and are to this day -- He just lives about 9 states over). I'd never really had a serious relationship. After a few months I was so smitten I proposed. I didn't see me dating anyone else. I got used to her.
After two kids and a couple of job changes, we were an old couple of 25+ years of marriage. My wife was my wife. My kids were my kids. I will always love them and
they are who I live for. But I've never found that adult friend.
I wish I could say each day is a wonderful journey, but depression is a sucker punch.
You see when I lost my high school friends and then Paul. No one replaced them. I struggled for years to make new friends. I'm sure that me not smoking, drinking or doing drugs hindered my efforts, but I'd try different tactics -- Talk, Don't talk, Be myself, Tell jokes. Whatever. Even if we had a few good conversations, all of it ended the same way -- awkward.
Nothing worked. It still doesn't.
I know I'm not alone in feeling isolated. I can only convey what it is like. When I'm around people they smile and nod while all the time their non-verbal cues scream "I want to leave." I used to try getting them to talk about themselves, their kids, spouse, etc. Nope. "Let me out of here!" So, I let them. I figured if they were that uneasy I wasn't going to force the issue. If they were to become my friend, they should be comfortable around me. Surely there was one person.
So, I'd approach people and say 'Hi'. Most would respond with the same. Light conversations would ensue and then once that ran out... Well you know -- "I want to leave." Over and over I'd try. I did nice things for people. Even big favors -- including help moving, powerwashing houses, anonymously giving gifts, visit people in nursing homes. It all didn't matter. I was always too 'something'. Too smart. Too tall. Too weird. Too quiet. Too ugly. Too talkative. I'd talk sports. Shared interesting articles. Attempted golf. The harder I tried the more I became the blob that people wanted to scrape off their windshields.
I even attempted the sympathy route and confided in a person or two. Let's just say I became the blob with ticks and leeches that people wanted to scrape off their windshields and wash down the gutter. You tell people you've been depressed and it's like they can't make enough excuses to get away. I doubt I'll ever do that again.
So, I gave up. I figure if God has a friend planned for me he'll send me one. Now, I just say hi to the people in the halls. Talk shallowly about the weather. Keep to myself. Nod and smile. Sit alone. Eat. Go back home. It's the only place I feel like a human being.
I still get depressed. It's ok. I've gotten used to it.
Thursday, September 3, 2015
Thursday, November 28, 2013
Government Creep
It's becoming more and more apparent -- The U.S. Governement is bent on taking over more and more of our compensation while putting more and more people in a "box" that the typical person who is in it has little to no chance of fighting out of.
Just looking at the history for the last 30 years, I find a pattern. The take home pay of the U.S. worker is being replaced by benefits from the government in some form. Nearly all of this initiative being driven from the Feds. Once the Federal government puts something in place, many states follow with their own similar program. And so it goes.
Let's take a look at a few of these benefits...
Earned Income Credit
Additional Child Tax Credit
Child Care Subsidies
Food Stamps
Medicaid
Disability
Supplemental Security Income (SSI)
Rent assistance
College Grants
Transportation
HUD
Home Loan assistance
Low cost college loans
Utilities assistance
I intentionally left off Medicare and Social Security as I believe these not be welfare programs (in general) but entitlements that, over a lifetime, you paid to get at some future point in time.
This is likely a partial list as these were the ones off the top of my head. If you want to see full disclosure try: http://www.usa.gov/Citizen/Topics/Benefits.shtml
To be clear, I'm not blaming anyone in the income box taking any of these benefits. In order to survive they pretty much have to do it. It's just sad to see the government providing more and more of our compensation package and letting the corporations who pay us to work, get off scot free -- and they know it. How and why have they benefited? Simple. The government (incentivized by the lobbyists) have designed a system where corporations are allowed, even encouraged, to pay low wages. Just look at any 'real dollar' wage chart like this one:
The blue line is real wages (taking into account inflation). Notice that through the years our purchasing power (as far as wages go) has declined. How can this continue to be possible? Won't there be some tipping point? Perhaps. But the real answer lies in the nontaxable government benefits that the working poor receive. That information is no where. It's not even mentioned as 'Compensation', but it should be. Isn't a low income benefit, provided by the government, a subsidy to your compensation package, especially given that you must have earned (you worked for it) income? Sure it is. I would love to see a study showing compensation as a package deal -- those benefits and wage from your employer PLUS the welfare programs that people receive due to corporate low wages. I would bet the blue line would be higher. Not only would it be higher but in the last 20 years I would bet it would be stunningly higher.
In conclusion, the income box is real. Government has consumed more and more of the typical American's compensation package. Therefore, making the lower middle class more dependent upon the government to 'fill in' the gaps that the system is clearly designed to push. That gap is being filled by our elected officials making laws to fill them.
A further note is that Obamacare is designed in the same manner -- but is now creeping up to around the $94,000 level. If we allow this kind of government creep to continue, we will no longer live in a capitalist country where independence is the dream of many. Rather, we will live in a box and be severely punished (benefits yanked) if we step outside of it.
Just looking at the history for the last 30 years, I find a pattern. The take home pay of the U.S. worker is being replaced by benefits from the government in some form. Nearly all of this initiative being driven from the Feds. Once the Federal government puts something in place, many states follow with their own similar program. And so it goes.
Let's take a look at a few of these benefits...
Earned Income Credit
Additional Child Tax Credit
Child Care Subsidies
Food Stamps
Medicaid
Disability
Supplemental Security Income (SSI)
Rent assistance
College Grants
Transportation
HUD
Home Loan assistance
Low cost college loans
Utilities assistance
I intentionally left off Medicare and Social Security as I believe these not be welfare programs (in general) but entitlements that, over a lifetime, you paid to get at some future point in time.
This is likely a partial list as these were the ones off the top of my head. If you want to see full disclosure try: http://www.usa.gov/Citizen/Topics/Benefits.shtml
To be clear, I'm not blaming anyone in the income box taking any of these benefits. In order to survive they pretty much have to do it. It's just sad to see the government providing more and more of our compensation package and letting the corporations who pay us to work, get off scot free -- and they know it. How and why have they benefited? Simple. The government (incentivized by the lobbyists) have designed a system where corporations are allowed, even encouraged, to pay low wages. Just look at any 'real dollar' wage chart like this one:
The blue line is real wages (taking into account inflation). Notice that through the years our purchasing power (as far as wages go) has declined. How can this continue to be possible? Won't there be some tipping point? Perhaps. But the real answer lies in the nontaxable government benefits that the working poor receive. That information is no where. It's not even mentioned as 'Compensation', but it should be. Isn't a low income benefit, provided by the government, a subsidy to your compensation package, especially given that you must have earned (you worked for it) income? Sure it is. I would love to see a study showing compensation as a package deal -- those benefits and wage from your employer PLUS the welfare programs that people receive due to corporate low wages. I would bet the blue line would be higher. Not only would it be higher but in the last 20 years I would bet it would be stunningly higher.
In conclusion, the income box is real. Government has consumed more and more of the typical American's compensation package. Therefore, making the lower middle class more dependent upon the government to 'fill in' the gaps that the system is clearly designed to push. That gap is being filled by our elected officials making laws to fill them.
A further note is that Obamacare is designed in the same manner -- but is now creeping up to around the $94,000 level. If we allow this kind of government creep to continue, we will no longer live in a capitalist country where independence is the dream of many. Rather, we will live in a box and be severely punished (benefits yanked) if we step outside of it.
Saturday, July 6, 2013
Writing a Novel
I have a healthy respect for anyone attempting to write a novel, let alone doing it. I have to say that the most difficult part is coming up with original material to write. Yes, I could write some sloppy romantic tale. I could write a cheesy mystery. I could even write a non-fiction book on something dry like taxes. But coming up with an actual story that is from my own mold is tough.
Most things I write really come from my gut and I just sit and type away. In ten minutes, I've pretty much got the storyline out and done. A bit of editing and poof I have a flash story (300 words). Then there my longer short stories that I have an idea and pound out over a few days the storyline and I craft them. Some are quite entertaining and interesting. I love twists in the plot.
A novel though is like a string of related short stories, but every one of them is related to the same plot and same ending with often multiple changes in points of view. That's daunting. Making them mesh and make sense and having the where-with-all to put the gears together so they compliment each other must have an element of a labor of love.
Perhaps one of these days I will strike upon the right combination. All I know is that I have to keep writing. Keep trying. Keep going. The plot will come. It always has in my shorter stories. Here's to hoping it does in longer compositions.
Most things I write really come from my gut and I just sit and type away. In ten minutes, I've pretty much got the storyline out and done. A bit of editing and poof I have a flash story (300 words). Then there my longer short stories that I have an idea and pound out over a few days the storyline and I craft them. Some are quite entertaining and interesting. I love twists in the plot.
A novel though is like a string of related short stories, but every one of them is related to the same plot and same ending with often multiple changes in points of view. That's daunting. Making them mesh and make sense and having the where-with-all to put the gears together so they compliment each other must have an element of a labor of love.
Perhaps one of these days I will strike upon the right combination. All I know is that I have to keep writing. Keep trying. Keep going. The plot will come. It always has in my shorter stories. Here's to hoping it does in longer compositions.
Friday, September 30, 2011
Teaching
Being a teacher is not a thankless job. You do have your moments with students. That "light bulb goes on" so to speak. That's when it's worth it. Other times the whole process can seem like a grind. The lessons, the same questions, the same answers, etc. You go into class thinking "OMG do I really have to do this?" That's when you have a good day. Of course, it often depends on the topic.
I understand that I'm better at teaching certain topics over others. I enjoy them. That makes teaching them not seem tedious, but downright exhilarating. I look around the room and I see the eyes and the nodding of heads. "Yes! They get it!"
Do teachers get paid enough? The short answer in my opinion is yes. They get some of the best benefits in any profession. They get three months off. They get every holiday imaginable off. Plus they often get snow days and a pile of paid sick days. Come now. With all that their unions have room to complain? I just don't see it.
Granted it's not easy. I'll be the first to say that, but so is a high-rise welder, a police officer, and a tax adviser. We all have our lots in life. Teaching is a special one. I'll thank them each chance I get. Actually we should be more thankful for other professions as well.
Just my thoughts.
I understand that I'm better at teaching certain topics over others. I enjoy them. That makes teaching them not seem tedious, but downright exhilarating. I look around the room and I see the eyes and the nodding of heads. "Yes! They get it!"
Do teachers get paid enough? The short answer in my opinion is yes. They get some of the best benefits in any profession. They get three months off. They get every holiday imaginable off. Plus they often get snow days and a pile of paid sick days. Come now. With all that their unions have room to complain? I just don't see it.
Granted it's not easy. I'll be the first to say that, but so is a high-rise welder, a police officer, and a tax adviser. We all have our lots in life. Teaching is a special one. I'll thank them each chance I get. Actually we should be more thankful for other professions as well.
Just my thoughts.
Monday, September 12, 2011
And that's 27 pounds!
The more I accomplish in this area the more the people around me (especially those who could use to lose a few pounds), try to diminish what I've done. Not that I'm all into patting myself on the back, but it's been tough. 8 miles on my bike every day and a walk of anywhere from one to four miles is a big commitment. Add in the limitation to 1500 calories and you have my life now.
The odd thing in all this is my wife. She hasn't said a WORD. Nothing at all. I just tell her I'm going on my bike ride every evening at 8:00 and she looks up from her book to say, "Ok." Then she proceeds to read her book again. I'm not against reading but anything can be overdone. If she put HALF the amount of effort into writing her book vs. reading, she'd have about 20 novels written by now -- no doubt.
Even my kids have said very little. I get that though. They don't understand how tough it is to lose weight at my age and energy level. They just burn it off without thinking. Both could lose about 5-10 pounds, but nothing major. I'd not consider either of them obese. Kids and their view of the world, go figure.
That's all for now. Wish me continued luck!
The odd thing in all this is my wife. She hasn't said a WORD. Nothing at all. I just tell her I'm going on my bike ride every evening at 8:00 and she looks up from her book to say, "Ok." Then she proceeds to read her book again. I'm not against reading but anything can be overdone. If she put HALF the amount of effort into writing her book vs. reading, she'd have about 20 novels written by now -- no doubt.
Even my kids have said very little. I get that though. They don't understand how tough it is to lose weight at my age and energy level. They just burn it off without thinking. Both could lose about 5-10 pounds, but nothing major. I'd not consider either of them obese. Kids and their view of the world, go figure.
That's all for now. Wish me continued luck!
Friday, August 5, 2011
Weight Loss
Well I have to tell someone! Since only one person has even noticed I've lost 23 pounds. Geesh! I bike 8 miles a day and live on 1500 calories. I'm trying for 40 pounds which would make me a svelte 193. That sounds good.
I know it isn't easy. I'm doing it. I wish more could. The food pushed in your face every day is tiring to resist. Go out to dinner -- entrees are huge, you feel obligated to eat, you eat, you feel insanely guilty. I think it's just other people's way of having some kind of revenge on you who are on a (so far) successful change in your life style diet. I have gone. I have resisted. It can be done. Hang in there.
When you lose 15 pounds, 20 pounds, 25 pounds -- you feel it. You're lighter. You have more energy. Most of all you must keep focus and do it -- not for anyone else -- do it for yourself.
I know it isn't easy. I'm doing it. I wish more could. The food pushed in your face every day is tiring to resist. Go out to dinner -- entrees are huge, you feel obligated to eat, you eat, you feel insanely guilty. I think it's just other people's way of having some kind of revenge on you who are on a (so far) successful change in your life style diet. I have gone. I have resisted. It can be done. Hang in there.
When you lose 15 pounds, 20 pounds, 25 pounds -- you feel it. You're lighter. You have more energy. Most of all you must keep focus and do it -- not for anyone else -- do it for yourself.
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
College Bound
In the ever changing college world there is one constant. Our sons and daughters graduate from high school and become freshman. Sure, this year might not be your year, but it will come. Trust me I know. This year is my year for my oldest.
This is a trying time for parents. Anxiety runs high. We're not only giving up something we have loved and nurtured for 18 years, we are also concerned about how to pay for it all. If you were smart, you planned. You have at least a little nest egg to pay for the first year. After that, it is downright scary the costs involved.
Let's take my daughter's circumstance. We looked (wow did we look!) at many different colleges and universities. The sticker shock is still with me. Most tabulate to about $25,000 to $30,000 per year. I remember 20 years ago that mine cost about $5,000. How did we march from that to five to six times as much in a 20 year frame? Amazing.
I am a proud father. My daughter is an extraordinary child. She's bright. Has a great sense of humor (yes, that would be from me!). Plus, she works hard and attempts things I wouldn't have even dreamed at her age. I know of only one 12 year old that has directed a bunch of adults at our church. Why did she do that? The choir director asked her -- a 12 year old -- to fill in for him. She did it seamlessly, and more impressively the adults respected her. Now that, is extraordinary.
Now back to my daughter. She researched (see my article on value) and came to her own conclusion. She would attend a local community college for her first year. She qualified for their honors program and further pushed her total scholarship to $24,000. She is tenacious when she knows what she wants. She wanted this. Further, she called Western Kentucky University and went through each class that would transfer -- credit by credit with one of their counselors. Her first year will be free and with the extra smaller scholarships she gained (by sheer work ethic and applying to dozens of them) she'll be able to take more classes this summer.
No doubt that college can be daunting. I am lucky. I have a child that does most of the work herself. She asks our advice and she weighs it. She makes her decision and goes for it. No looking back. She made an informed choice. I think she'll have few regrets in that regard.
As far as the emotional part of letting go, that is our burden to bear. I want her to succeed in all that she does or reaches for. Now, I must take the role of spectator. It won't be easy. I still find myself desiring to have my little girl cuddle up on the couch to watch TV with Dad.
This is a trying time for parents. Anxiety runs high. We're not only giving up something we have loved and nurtured for 18 years, we are also concerned about how to pay for it all. If you were smart, you planned. You have at least a little nest egg to pay for the first year. After that, it is downright scary the costs involved.
Let's take my daughter's circumstance. We looked (wow did we look!) at many different colleges and universities. The sticker shock is still with me. Most tabulate to about $25,000 to $30,000 per year. I remember 20 years ago that mine cost about $5,000. How did we march from that to five to six times as much in a 20 year frame? Amazing.
I am a proud father. My daughter is an extraordinary child. She's bright. Has a great sense of humor (yes, that would be from me!). Plus, she works hard and attempts things I wouldn't have even dreamed at her age. I know of only one 12 year old that has directed a bunch of adults at our church. Why did she do that? The choir director asked her -- a 12 year old -- to fill in for him. She did it seamlessly, and more impressively the adults respected her. Now that, is extraordinary.
Now back to my daughter. She researched (see my article on value) and came to her own conclusion. She would attend a local community college for her first year. She qualified for their honors program and further pushed her total scholarship to $24,000. She is tenacious when she knows what she wants. She wanted this. Further, she called Western Kentucky University and went through each class that would transfer -- credit by credit with one of their counselors. Her first year will be free and with the extra smaller scholarships she gained (by sheer work ethic and applying to dozens of them) she'll be able to take more classes this summer.
No doubt that college can be daunting. I am lucky. I have a child that does most of the work herself. She asks our advice and she weighs it. She makes her decision and goes for it. No looking back. She made an informed choice. I think she'll have few regrets in that regard.
As far as the emotional part of letting go, that is our burden to bear. I want her to succeed in all that she does or reaches for. Now, I must take the role of spectator. It won't be easy. I still find myself desiring to have my little girl cuddle up on the couch to watch TV with Dad.
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